LMS Ep 4 Trauma Ties Audio

The podcast creator acknowledges being an addict and urges listeners to consult professionals before acting. He discusses the relationship between trauma and substance abuse, highlighting how trauma often leads to addiction as a coping mechanism but can worsen the situation. Definitions of trauma are explored, emphasizing its impact on individuals. Extreme personal experiences are shared to illustrate the deep connection between trauma and addiction. The episode also humorously delves into the concept of shame and its detrimental effects. Lastly, signs of trauma and substance abuse in loved ones are discussed, urging vigilance and support. Please remember that this podcast is being created by an addict, so take your grain of salt and please call a professional before making any decisions. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Loudness McKeeville Symposium. This time you're going to just see my face. I'm not going to take a whole lot of time to create animated still videos for this episode, barring not the next one, just because it takes a lot of time. I'm trying to get caught up so I can be a little more relaxed going forward. I love doing it. It's so much fun for me. I'm not really sure how much it's adding to the words, and the words are the important part. I just need to get caught up. It also costs money, which I don't have a lot of, and I'm not asking anybody for any. I actually did have a little donation thing on my website, but I don't know how to make it work, so it doesn't work. But I have everything I need. I've got a roof, I've got food, I've got clothes, I've got people who love me. That's all I need. That's all you need. If you're listening to this and not watching YouTube, you don't care about anything I just said except for the last part, I think. So I'm going to go ahead and get into the episode. Trauma and substance disorder are like two toxic best friends who just can't stand each other. For a lot of people, trauma is the gasoline and addiction is the match. You go through something awful, abuse, violence, loss, and your brain just wants out any way it can. Substances become a quick escape hatch from the pain, from the anxiety or the nightmares. But here's the kicker. Using to numb out the trauma usually brings its own brand of chaos, making the original trauma even worse. It builds like that and it snowballs. The longer you're in addiction and the worse it gets, for me, the traumas build onto each other. You end up in jail. You end up ashamed because you did something that landed you in jail. You're ashamed because you used. You're ashamed because you're lying. You're ashamed because you're stealing money. You're ashamed of yourself. I mean, it just builds and builds and builds. And then that reason that you've been searching for is buried under a thousand things. Shame, unmet needs, confusion. You get stuck in this loop using to forget and then needing to use more because you can't forget what you did while you used. People with PTSD or serious trauma histories are way more likely to develop substance use disorder. I know definitions don't sound that exciting, but bear with me. Using proper definitions was actually a big part of that puzzle I talked about that I was, the puzzle piece I was missing. Obviously, when I started learning about neuroscience, I didn't know what they were talking about. And it just made me realize, even when I'm reading a book, you know, I think I know what words mean. And I'll just go along with myself and think, yeah, you know what that means. And then I'll look it up in the dictionary and it changes the entire meaning of just the whole book. So if you ask me to define trauma, I'll be like, yeah, it's traumatic. It's just not good enough. So that's why I'm digging into Merriam-Webster's cheat and do definitions quite often. The reason I'm using them is because they're the first thing that comes up in my search engine. So Merriam-Webster defines trauma as, A, an injury to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent. An extrinsic agent is just something that happens from the outside, a fist or a knife or a bullet. Basically, your body gets hurt and that's a traumatic injury. Pretty simple. And that can lead to addiction. I mean, if it's a bad enough injury, obviously, it can have psychological effects. If it's a head injury, it's going to be totally different. And if you're using opiates to kill the pain, that can lead to addiction as well. Now, I would never tell someone to suffer in pain before using opiates. Opiates are, unless they're keeping something from us, the best painkiller and they always have been. But they're also a people killer sometimes. So you need to really weigh the pain you're in against the potential pain of the addiction you could have. And always talk to a doctor. Use them under supervision and be smart. The second definition is a disordered, psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury. Bingo. This is the trauma that fuels addiction like gas on a fire. Abuse, bullying, loss, violence. It doesn't have to be violence towards you. It could just be exposure to violence. The list goes on and on. Some traumas have a capital T. Some have a little t. Severity is completely personal. Your experiences will dictate where you draw that line. The third definition is emotional upset. And that sounds a little bit underwhelming. The fourth definition, a personal trauma of an executive. Not living up to his potential. This is his, dude. I didn't write that. Like, what? I don't know how that got its own letter, but it did. I don't know if Jeff Bezos bought Merriam-Webster or some other misogynist. Because I guess only males can be traumatized by not getting a promotion. But the point is, trauma comes in all shapes and all sizes. I had to see some things to get my PTSD badge. Obviously, you know, some things happened when I was a kid. And I told you about being in the hospital. And as I got older and more into more addiction, more and more things started to happen. The traumas get bigger and worse and more extreme. I've had friends who've been run over by cars. I've had lots of violence done to me. I've got several broken vertebrae in my neck. They're healed now, obviously. I can move my head, but they're there. I've had friends show up in dumpsters, dead, under mysterious circumstances. I mentioned once before that I got dumped out of a dumpster into a garbage truck once. The fact that you're in a dumpster is traumatic. I had a buddy who got his foot shot off in an apartment. And if his foot hadn't been there, it would have been his girlfriend's head. I am not trying to be dramatic by telling these extreme stories of trauma. She stopped, got sober, and now helps addicts. He leaned into his addiction and told me straight up that life is too boring without drugs. That's how strong addiction is. He lost his foot to a shotgun blast accident and still wants to use because it's more fun than living life as a normie. And I get it. Reintegrating into this life after those kinds of experiences, after living that kind of life, I get it. It's really, really hard. It's bizarre because this life is really strange, too, in totally different ways. And it does feel boring because that stuff, even though it's terrifying and gross and horrific, you're always in this state of heightened anxiety. And when that gets taken away, it's really difficult to deal with, to know what to do with yourself. It's hard. It's really hard. So I kind of get where he's coming from. But that's the insanity that gets talked about in 12 Steps that people get caught up in and say, I'm not insane. So, yeah, if that's not insanity, then insanity isn't a thing. Homeless trauma is really extreme, beyond most imaginations, I think. But a breakup, losing money, that can destroy people, too. It's all relative. A young girl getting bullied online, I mean, it causes people to take their own lives. I joke about people losing it over missing an episode of Mormon Wives. You know who I'm talking to. But honestly, if that's your big trauma, good. Good for you. That means you've had an amazing life. Trauma isn't just a sad story in your past. It's a deep wound that keeps bleeding into your life. And for some, like myself, drugs or booze becomes the band-aid. You can tell trauma is at play when someone just isn't using the party. But to forget, to numb out, to silence the nightmares or the panic that come out of nowhere. People who drink and then start to cry about something that happened. Or they get extraordinarily angry. Big, big red flags that there is trauma underneath there. They are using to numb it. And they don't know how to talk about it, so that's what they're doing. This episode of the Loudness McNevil Symposium is brought to you in part by SHAME. SHAME. Are you tired of being proud of yourself? Wishing you could stop enjoying your life for just one second and spiral into a pit of mental self-flagellation? Then you need SHAME. The age-old soul-crushing emotion passed down through the ages like a haunted heirloom. No one wants, but everyone gets. Long before size zero destroyed the female form. Before online shopping traded quality and craftsmanship for $4 worth of plastic. There was SHAME. Engineered by the same geniuses who brought you judgment, comparison, religion, and the silent treatment. SHAME works by activating the brain's darkest corner. And amplifying even the most minor regrets into lifelong existential crises. I used to believe in myself. Then I discovered SHAME. And now I second-guess every conversation I've ever had. I keep my opinions to myself. I never follow my dreams. SHAME shows me that if I stay home alone, no one can see me prosper. Side effects include addiction, people-pleasing, impostor syndrome, fear of vulnerability, absence of joy, and excessive self-loathing. SHAME. It's easier than forgiving yourself. If you're watching somebody that you love struggle, a child or a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, whatever, and you suspect they might be struggling with a past trauma or with substance abuse and they're hiding it, look for changes that don't make any sense on the surface. Misplaced anger, for one. Is your loved one suddenly isolating, losing interest in the things that they used to care about, or getting angry or jumpy for no reason? Are they using substances more when life gets stressful or after something triggers them? You have to watch for patterns. Again, I'm not trying to preach. I'm just talking about things that I was doing when I first started that I wish people had noticed. Avoidance kind of became my new hobby. I treated my family like they meant nothing to me. I kept them at arm's length. I treated them like I was smarter than them. I used anger as a weapon, and all of it was to protect my addiction. I talked about that in the last episode, and then I spoke to a friend about it. She had never heard anyone say it quite like that or thought about it quite like that. She doesn't have to deal with addiction in her daily life, unfortunately for her. I want to make it pretty clear to anyone listening to this that all behaviors, by an addict, good, bad, are all protecting that addiction. Anger is a perfect way to keep people away from you so that you can self-destruct in peace. People that you love have the best chance of breaking through and making you realize that you need help. I should be saying I, not you, but people who love me have the best chance. They're the ones that get it the worst. I treated them the worst because I knew if I let them see what I was doing, treated them the worst because I knew if I let them see what was really happening, I would have to look at my own problems, and I'd have to admit I had them, and then I'd have to do something about them. So it's way easier to just break their hearts. For treatment, you've got to deal with both the pain and the pattern. Trauma-informed therapy that goes deep, not just stop using and you'll be fine, that isn't even a thing. The first step is getting honest about what's driving the use. The best hope is finding health that treats you like a person and not a problem. You're not weak, you're wounded, and wounds can heal, but not if you keep pouring whiskey on them. Trauma is like an old injury that never healed right, and the substances are the painkillers. Not to get high, but to get by. If you notice that you're drinking or using to block out memories, to numb emotions, or escape from things that you can't talk about, that's trauma showing up in your addiction. Okay, it's trauma showing up in your behaviors. You may not be addicted to anything at this moment, you may never be, but if you're drinking or using for those reasons, your chances of becoming an addict are exponentially greater than other people's. It's not about weakness or lack of willpower, it's about trying to survive something that hurt you. If you're watching somebody that you love struggle, a child or a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, whatever, and you suspect they might be struggling with a past trauma or with substance use and they're hiding it, look for changes that don't make any sense on the surface. Misplaced anger, for one. Is your loved one suddenly isolating, losing interest in the things that they used to care about, or getting angry or jumpy for no reason? Are they using substances more when life gets stressful or after something triggers them? You have to watch for patterns. If you recognize the patterns in yourself or someone you care about, the first step isn't to freak out or to start lecturing them, it's definitely not to yell at them, it is not to shame them and make them feel bad about themselves. You don't want to re-traumatize someone who's already struggling. And if you're their parent or someone that they look to for guidance, you're going to destroy that. Recognize the pain, not just the behavior. That's how you help. And that's how we heal. You keep it real, you keep it empathetic, and you let people know it's about understanding, not them being judged by you. Nobody picks up a bottle or a needle because life is just peachy. Trauma is usually the big elephant in the room. People use to cope, not to rebel or to be bad. If you see someone spiraling, don't ask them what's wrong with them. Ask them what happened to them. That's where the real story is. Be curious, don't be judgmental. Ask yourself what pain could be driving this in them, or in yourself. What is the pain that's driving this? Instead of, why can't they just stop? Or, why can't I just stop? Or, why am I not important enough that they won't stop for me? Because it isn't about you. If you're looking for help, if it's you who's struggling, you don't have to reach out to a professional right away. It can be a friend, it can be a support group. I mean, your family obviously, or hopefully, not obviously, but hopefully someone in your family you can talk to. But the first thing is just admitting to yourself that you're hurting. For a long time, you know, I just pretended that, I didn't really pretend everything was okay, but I definitely bottled everything up and hardened myself against any bad feelings to the point where I still have a lot of emotional deficits, I guess. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how to describe it, but the first thing you need to do is just admit that you're hurting and reach out to help, for help, to anyone that you trust. So, here's the deal with how you want to talk to somebody who is struggling with something and you're not sure what. You don't want to interrogate them and you don't want to re-traumatize them. So, you don't want to poke at wounds. If you think you know what it is, don't confront them with it directly. Just let them know that you're willing to listen to them. You don't want to poke at them just to satisfy your own curiosity. And, you know, the details about whatever it is aren't your business. You just need them to realize you understand that they're hurting and that you love them and you're there to share that pain with them, to make it lighter for them. That's what it's all about. Let them know that you see their pain, not just the problem that they're causing or the problem that they're being. Let them know that you understand it's something else and offer to listen, not to fix it. You can't fix it. When it's time for the next steps, therapy or rehab or whatever it looks like, look for help that deals with the trauma and the substance use. Trauma-informed therapy, support groups, or programs that treat you or them like a whole person, not just a list of symptoms that they're going to deal with, just stopping the drugs. I mean, that's important, but it's the very least you can do. Real help looks like therapy that doesn't flinch when you talk about the hard stuff. Real help looks like groups where you can be honest without someone pushing at their pearls, in spaces where you're treated with respect and not pity, where you are not judged, where there is no one shaming, and sometimes that's EMDR, light therapy, somatic therapy they call it. It could be 12-step programs. That's a big part of what I did. But a 12-step group that actually listens. I will say this right now about 12-step group meetings at least. The 12 steps I think are genius, but like religion, it is the people that can ruin it. You know, you go to one bad meeting, it can leave a bad taste in your mouth forever. You go to some meetings, and meetings are supposed to be people going there and sharing their strength, support, and their hope with each other to uplift one another. Sometimes they just become a bunch of people who are whining about how hard it is or how it sucks to be sober. I mean, it can be like that, but it's what you make of it. If you want something bad enough, you can overlook what other people are doing and just get the pieces you need for yourself and use them towards your own goals. If you're looking for help, ask the person you're looking for it from questions. Do they understand trauma? Will they help you work through both the addiction and the underlying problems? Do you feel safe, to be honest? That's a huge one. If not, keep looking. You deserve help that sees the whole mess and helps you clean it up and not just sweep it under the rug. And not somebody who wants to clean it up for you. Somebody who wants to show you how to clean it up so you can do it yourself because if someone else does it for you, it's not going to work. You have to do the work, and it's a lot of work, but it's so rewarding at the end of it. If you're looking for resources on where to find help in Canada or in the United States, go to www.latinusmechievil.com. I've got a list of about 100 resources, not each, but in both countries. The United States has more because it's 10 times the people. But you'll find a really good list of resources there to find out information about addiction or where to find help. And also, I've got a really cool thing. It's an agent from 11 labs, and you can actually speak to it. It's got my voice. I trained it to use my voice. It's got a knowledge base from all the best addiction websites that I know of and could find. And I tested it out, and it's really, really, really cool. Yeah, just take my word for it. Go ask it anything you want about addiction and see what happens. It's really neat, and it actually gives amazing answers. It's cool. Check it out. So that's the end of the episode. I hope it made sense. Same face, different shirt, different background. I forgot this whole ending. But I do hope that one made sense. Basically, everybody has their own traumas. Trauma is very often an underlying issue in addiction, and it needs to be addressed before the addiction can be. That's basically all it is. It would have been a really short episode if that's all I said. So thanks for sticking around. Please visit my website, www.labinsmcnevil.com. There's great resources, just some images and stuff that I've created and put up there. The 11 Labs agent, which I really want people to try and let me know what you think. It's called an agent because I think it's really made for companies that you call and get help with technical services, not advice about addiction. So try it out. I think it's really, really cool. Please like, please subscribe. Please tell anybody that you know or who knows somebody who's struggling about this. If you think I've said anything that could possibly help them, I will be making more and more. So hopefully it will get even more helpful. I'm rambling. Thank you for joining me. 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